You’re being bombarded by every possible arrangment of Joy to the World. You’re cold and wish you had more money so that you could fly off to some place warm. You don’t want to go home to see your extended family of forty-seven, but you already bought your ticket.

Culturebot comes to the rescue! We’ve compiled a list of some of the best holiday events in New York to help keep you sane and having fun. Happy partying!

Rubulad Holiday Revue
Fri 12.17 (10 PM)
338 Flushing Avenue (b/w Classon & Taaffe, BK)
$10

L train to Bedford Avenue > B61 bus on Driggs to Flushing Ave (10 mins) > left under BQE > Rubulad’s on your right just past the gas station *OR* J / M / Z to Marcy Ave > walk along Rev. Dr. GE Taylor Blvd > turns into Williamsburg St West at Flushing > left under BQE > Rubulad’s on your right just past the gas station *OR* J / G to Flushing Avenue stop > walk up Flushing, following address number. It’s the ex – home of the Happy Birthday Hideout, you know.

Rubulad Holiday Revue!
featuring: Hungry March Band, Nervous Cabaret and The Fabulous Entourage.
With your DJ’s: Small Change and Repo Man.
Plus Kristmas Karaoke with Joe McGinty Norm Francouer’s World of Light. Delicious Food by The Artist’s Palate. Sumptuous Sweets by the folks at the Madagascar Institute. With an Anonymous gift swap (give to and take from that special someone you don’t know). Complimentary libation for Santas in costume.

The Barbes/Blowhole Theater Holiday Marathon
Friday 12/17
6pm-12pm
Barbes
376 9th St. (corner of 6th Ave.) Park Slope, Brooklyn
718-965-9177
http://www.barbesbrooklyn.com/calendar.html

DON RALPH of Life in a Blender presents:
The Barbes/Blowhole Theater Holiday Marathon.
Starting at 6 pm on Friday, Dec. 17, Barbes will present its longest show yet when the annual Blowhole Theater Holiday Show commences. A variety of eccentric acts will take the stage–accordionists, monologuists, tubas, and the dreaded singer-songwriter will all be performing till at least midnight and perhaps beyond. Put together by Life In A Blender, the night will also include Frootbasket, The Shatners, Trey Kay, Mike Rimbaud, Todd Phillips, The Blowhole Theater Players, Tom Waits for No One, and a scary little vibrating doll. For the past 15 years, the Blowhole Theater has been bringing it’s odd variety show to many of New York’s waterholes. Just like the old Coney Island attraction that it is named after, Blowhole Theater gives talented people a chance get on stage and embarrass themselves.

Unsilent Night
Sat 12.18 (6:45pm)
Washington Square Park Arch (5th Ave & Waverly Place)
FREE
http://www.mindspring.com/~boombox/xmas.htm
 

Unsilent Night returns with the spirit of a more revelatory, less commercial Christmas. As hundreds of people join in a procession, boomboxes play a selection of Phil Kline’s sumptuous work at full volume, bells ring, voices come together, and a joyous ambient sound reaches up to the heavens, spreading joy from Washington Square to Tompkins Square Park. Forty-five minutes and over a mile later, the sound dissipates dreamily, providing one final chance for pause and reflection by the blissful revelers before a cheer of joy goes up and the madness of the city and season crash back in. (AD)

Note: Email Phil Kline in advance to get a tape made if you wish to use your own boom box in the performance. Non-boom box carriers are, of course, also welcome.

Sugar Rum Cherry
Sat 12.18 (9 PM – Sunrise)
530 6th Ave (floors 4 & 5)
$10 if you bring mistletoe – $13 otherwise Santa/Elf costumes will be rewarded generously.
http://www.complacent.org/sugar

Tis the season, when we have to act nice,
But this night is naughty and filled with our vice.

With performance, presents and liquor galore a party of decadence, deviance and more…

In the room of Sugar: Turntablists and dj’s wreck the wheels of steal
If you can*t feel these beats, you simply can’t feel.

DJ Doc Martin brings his infamous set of breakthrough house beats to move you (Yes, this is the *Doc Martin*). Kat vs. Chrome in a battle of sex and beats with conscious hip-hop facing off! against dirty breaks. Miko Wanderlust raises the sun with a two-hour tribal set guaranteed to whip your cream. In the room of Rum: Eggnog and Liquor and holiday fair drink without mercy and live with no care… (plus cozy plush places, hookas and rumcake). In the room of Cherry: Low down rock, funk and live music mash Groove like a rockstar – vivid and rash… God is My Copilot with celestial-avant-punk. (10pm) (w/ JBK on bass) Laid back Brazilian lounge by Kudu (11pm). And late night sounds from Ryan and Mike of The Madagascar Institute. (late) Plus, our generous and deviant Santa Clause with gifts (and groping) from Toys in Babeland.

Twas December 18th and all through this town our heartbeats are thumping to the beat of our sound.

With art and performance, and gifts full of glee For this night you rockstar, your mischief roams free.

All proceeds go to feed starving artists and political misfits. http://www.complacent.org

Christmas Eve: Heeb Underground
Dec. 24
9pm-3am
Eleven – 152 Orchard Street (between stanton & rivington)
$12

Who needs the fucking matzo ball when Heeb is in the house? DJs Synapse (Heads of State) and Gravy (Iration Soundz) spinning hip hop , funk, soul, rock, reggae… Free Rheingold the first hour.

Heeb Mag: the stocking stuffer that’s less messy than coal.