The Almighty

Sometimes in this business you really manage to score a great interview with someone who is not only a towering figure in their field but an inspiration to countless people everywhere. Especially now, during Awards Season, this enduring icon gets mentioned a lot. Known by many names, we had a chance to sit down with this legend and ask those questions that have been on everybody’s mind.

Why are you so hard to schedule with?

You know, it’s not my intention to be so inaccessible, but I’m just
really, really busy. And you know, I’ve never been much of a planner. I
tend to work more instinctively. People think I’ve got it all planned
out but really I like to improvise, go with the flow. So, you know, if
you’re lucky and you get me at the right minute, catch me in the hallway
on my way to the can or something, we can do a meeting. Other than that
it gets kinda hinky.

A lot of people ask why – since you’re all benevolent and almighty
and all that – why don’t you do something about all the evil and
suffering that mankind must endure?

You know, here’s the thing. I had a post-it note on the fridge about
that. And I totally meant to take care of it, but I guess I just spaced
out. Can you send me an email and remind me to look into that? Its not
as easy as it sounds. There’s a lot of bureaucracy involved.

So, what’s the deal with platypuses anyway?

Well, I was getting bored and I wanted to do something a little
different. A lot of people don’t know this, but when we were cooking up
the whole “earth” concept, we were really just pulling stuff out of our
metaphorical butts. And I remember it had been a long day and we had
this rhythm down, you know? It was like, “mammal, fish, bird, marsupial; mammal, fish, bird” all day long and then one of those crazy angels was like,
“What if we just put a little bit of everything together and see what
happens?” I guess we’d been drinking a lot of wine and were pretty
punchy. But, let me tell you, it was really funny at the time.

How do you feel about your representation in art & the media?

That’s a tough call. I try to be infinitely benevolent, but sometimes the way human beings portray me really cheeses me off. If it’s not Michelangelo portraying me as some roly-poly old man playing pattycake with Adam then its Beckett accusing me of being an absentee deadbeat dad. I can’t win and it’s frustrating. On the other hand, since I’m omniscient and omnipresent I have to cut humans some slack – any interpretation is as likely to be valid as any other. Well, except when they get with the whole “buddy-buddy” thing. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I know this will sound egotistical, but let’s face it dude, I’m a busy guy. I don’t really have time to be hanging out, shooting the breeze with humans. I’ve got a lot of heavy-duty deity stuff to attend to.

So how do you think this will all turn out?

Now if I told you that, don’t you think that’d spoil all the fun?

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