The ViM Diaries . . . Dear Dad~

On May 18, 2006, at 8:59 PM, The Vanilla in Manila wrote:

Hello Ivan,

I believe by now that you have had the s ____ knocked out of you literally and are fully detoxified. How was it?

I hope you have found us rooms in UBUD, Bali for the second leg of our vacation.

I am flying back on Sunday but won’t be there until Wednesday due to the time zones. All is well and Mom is on her way to Israel I believe today or tomorrow. It should be good for her. C is in good shape. Your cousins are going to start their own hedge fund. Interesting….

Keep in touch.


Hey Dad~

Not sure when you are going to get this as you are en route . . . The detox was pretty intense. On my way to Tokyo I developed some insane problems with my ass. Ironically enough, I was staying with my friend Johnny Blackout in Shinjuku, which was once known as the “Anus of Tokyo” b/c it had the highest amount of whores and raw sewage in its streets. I think I’ve doubled its quotient . . . only of the latter, to be sure. The upside is that they have the most amazing toilets! They shoot temperature controlled water in your butt and then have a little blow-dryer in there when ur finished . . . makes dysentery kinda appealing, huh?

Even though I couldn’t be more than fifteen feet from a toilet, Johnny and I managed to get out to paint the town a ‘lil black n’ blue. We debated the meaninglessness of theater and art in this horrific place called the ChristOnCafe. Johnny persuaded the waiter to trade t-shirts with me . . . He got my black Biker Rags t-shirt, a 9-11 souvenir from Hotler’s closet when I was homeless for a spell. I got this long-sleeved thing with a picture of Jesus on a Dollar Bill or something. Too weird for words. It’s hang-drying in the bathroom if you wanna check it out.

I also saw some of the most amazing theater, in spite of my growing distaste for the medium. It’s called Bunraku and it’s traditional Japanese Puppetry. There is a main guy (he kinda “thinks” the character instead of “acting” it if that makes any sense) with two black hooded guys manipulating the feet. Apparently it’s not gaining in popularity as a vocation b/c u have to spend like 10 years on the right foot before they let you take off the hood. Such a shame as I was completely mesmerized for the better part of the six hours that I got to see. The puppets cry, fall in love, play instruments, cut off each other’s faces while the narrators, perched off to the side, engage in full-scale, operatic melodrama. Soooo decadent. It transformed me and the octogenarians in the audience into giggling third graders

We flew black to Manila in the rain. I had just enough time to change my drawers. Not really sure how I can eat five pounds of raw fish and have it all come out in liquid form. Anyway, we rolled up to The Farm in the middle of a typhoon. All the other guests were cranky about the weather but I could care less. The second day they just gave me juice and these Pro-biotic pills (?). So between the not eating and the perpetual blowing of mud I would just pass out. When I told them my regular diet they expected the LocNess Monster to come out of my bwtn my butt cheeks. I think they were actually a little bummed that I tested negative for amebas.

Then the colonics started. They are nice enough to have a viewing window. U know what they say about swallowing gum? Well, it’s true. It also goes for beer can pull-tabs off beer cans & jacks . . . for serious. But the most intense thing at Detox (which might just be a nice way of saying Rehab) wasn’t the weather or the party in my rectum. It was this pintsize Filipino chick named Jenny who I asked for a message. I am trying to fix the never-ending problem with my left leg. I told her about the bursitis and the stress fractures in my femurs but I think this just translated into “hurt me . . . hurt me bad.” And Jenny did just that. I have the bruises to prove it and myself to blame as I went back for seconds and thirds.

I know from yoga that people store a lot of repressed emotion in their hips. I think my injury has thrown me into a nine month, existential rollercoaster ride. I don’t think all the painkillers I have been on have helped my emotional equilibrium.

So this is what I learned from having my insides removed and hips shredded . . . 1) I have to eat a sixteenth of the amount of meat I consume.
B) I have to reconsider my relationship to the whole of the Female Diaspora.

I know this wasn’t exactly what u had hoped. Me neither. I have to move over to the Manila Hotel for the Convention and I am just short of psychotic. But, ultimately, I will be better and stronger. So thanks so much for signing me up for five days of beautiful hell in the jungle.

The apt is clean and I put away all ur CDs. I also threw out all your cookies and replaced them with these healthy things from The Farm.

Looking forward to hanging with you in Bali. I think I found a cool, cheap place to stay.


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