MA-YO-NE-SA ella me bate como haciendo mayonesa

todo lo que habia tomado se me subio pronto a la cabeza

MA-YO-NE-SA ella me bate como haciendo mayonesa

no se ni como me llamo ni donde vivo (ni donde vivo) ni me interesa

~Chocolate 2000

Running around SE Asia one feels varying degrees of the Jeudeo-Christian Ethos. In Japan, for example, Johnny Blackout informed me that people view cuming as kind of like peeing . . . it is something that has to be done.The Hindus in Bali never get angry and I don’t think the concept of divorce exists there (maybe it does and they’re just in denial like the Irish) . . . so what do they do when a man comes home and his best friend having freaky circus sex with his wife?

Ergo arise questions of morality, guilt and sin. After all, what exactly is cheating . . . as in infidelity??? For Mayonesa† it is actual penetration. After all, she has good catch on her hands. Her boy-toy of two and half years is just about to graduate law school. The only problem is that he has yet to discover her clitoris . . . but there is always hope. So, to preserve the best relationship she has ever had, she wants to be able to say, at least while they have been dating, she has never had sex with anyone else. Reminds me of the Italian prostitutes who would only have anal sex with clients to preserve their virginity for marriage. I think it’s the other way around in Suburbia US of A.

Wait . . . is this thing on?!? Shit . . . I thought I told you to turn off the Out-loud Voice . . . A-hem . . . Excuse me . . . Where are we here? Ah yes, the Manila Hotel. The 31st ITI/UNESCO World Congress . . .

I think I mentioned last time that there was a lack of organization here forcing me into the terrible plight of having to go to the bar to meet people. While drinking large bottles of Red Horse X-tra Strong, I had the great fortune of getting my hang on with the lovely girls from Iceland, the bright clowns from Finland, the dark clowns from Croatia, the French-speaking Africans from Togo, Burkina Faso and the Sudan as well as the very fashionable, perfect English speaking Dutch and the Belgian girls who make smoking look irresistibly delectable.

There is a whole bureaucratic side to the Conference that I am not hip to. La Mayonesa† on the other hand seems to have a firm grasp on these things. Left Brain people turn me on. I think to myself, here is someone who’ll drive the bus while I look for beer. I was a little weary when homegirl told me that she wanted to go to the Young Practitioners Committee (YPC) Meeting. Last thing I needed was to hang with a bunch of young punks who bounce when they fall down drunk five days a week . . . I get misty.

Consequently, I was surprised to find that Young actually translates to a Mid-Career Theater Artist or Newcomer to ITI. This was perfect for an errant soul such as mine. The YPC’s agenda was based in making these Conferences more accessible through better dissemination of information . . . like a party, for example, so people can get acquainted before bedlam ensues. Most chill.

The point-person for the YPC (CJP en français pour Comité des Jeunes Praticiens) seems to be Fred (Frédérique) Pint seeing how she gets the least amount of sleep of anyone on the committee. Fred’s counterpart from Belgium, Valérie (Val- UHR–REE), was also part of THE BORGES PROJECT which was being done by the New Project Group (NPG), another subdivision of the ITI.

I am not going to say too much about the NPG for fear of giving false information thusly pissing Sophia off to no ends. This stuff is easy to Google and there should be a decent article on the Borges thing (which I saw twice mind you) in the next American Theater mag . . . at least better written then this detritus. I can say that there is a difference between a Group and a Committee. Therefore it made total sense for these two parties to meet to discuss the future . . .

Looks good on paper, right? This meeting was insane and surreal. Everyone was raw and spent from either the chaos of the Congress or the madness of trying to get their shows up in the wake of it all. Half of THE BORGES PROJECT had caught some virus putting them in a similar predicament to my own case Godzilla’s Revenge that I suffered two weeks ago. I watched in awe as people went toe to toe over how to proceed. Words came out of my mouth but I can’t really remember what I said . . .

Should have just kept my mouth shut. Instead, I got roped into writing the NPG’s proposal with Solveig (SOL-vek) from Iceland, Ellen from Amsterdam and Laura, an extra sharp German dramaturge by way of New Jersey. Pretty much just let Laura have at it on my machine until 3 in the AM. Then we met at 7 over breakfast to merge some NPG documents. I thought I was done only to be compelled (read: coerced) into holding Solveig’s hand while she and Sophia translated the proposal into French.

That got done at 1 PM. I caught a disco nap, attended the Closing Ceremonies and partied long into night with all of the above. I watched a Croatian actor named Bojan (Crazy) drink twelve martinis while having the most amazing twenty-minute conversation with his girlfriend on Tajana’s (Cute) shoe as we laughed ourselves into convulsions and tears. As for La Mayonesa†, we danced a little bit but I never got to say goodbye. I did see her leave with a guy who’s identity would be gauche for me to reveal. However, I have heard that he has a huge Bio.

(Los dos!) Entrega’os…
(Los dos!) Amarra’os…
(Los dos!) Concentra’os…

Ponte relax, suelta el estrés

Que andas con un veterano

Conmigo es otro nivel, oh yeah

Así que estas en buenas manos

No tienes que disimular

No lo pienses y vámonos al grano

Entonces apuntale otra victoria para el…

~Daddy Yankee

† (There was a period in my life when I never lied. Somewhere between scoring and being played I starting making promises I couldn’t keep . . . I became a White Liar, which quickly leads to the regular brand of asshole . . . hence my nickname in college. Anyway, I made a promise to the girl referred to as Mayonesa† in the above section. Plus there is the whole legal thing which is oddly evocative of other posts where I tried to show respeck to some future lawyers . . . It’s all in vein me thinks . . . I’m definitely going to end up in jail . . . again.)

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