Ivan�s 3 Big Regrets From Last Night


1) Sticking my finger up Sharif’s nose while wrestling in the bushes in front of the dorms. He has a bite mark on his chest but I take no responsibility for this as it has been obliterated from my memory by narcotics that shall remain nameless.

2) Climbing a tree to talk to a perspective college student on the second floor of the adjacent dormitories. No, I was not successful and yes, this is a felony as she is a senior in high school

3) Last but not least . . . spraying Josh Chambers in the face with a fire extinguisher. Admittedly there are thinly veiled homoerotic undertones to blowing my load on the visage my fellow Skidrow Alumnus. In point of fact, the gesture actually came (a-hem) out of jealousy as Mr. Chambers convinced the young lady from crime #2 to open the door and talk to us. She, unfortunately couldn’t come out to play as she was in her PJs and had just put in her retainer . . .

. . . sigh . . .

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